Did anyone else watch that William Shatner show "Bleep my dad says?" Well my dad has said a few funny things in his lifetime... but NOTHING in comparison to the bleep my kids say! I try to remember some of the hilarious crap that my kids have said over the years. I have even written several down, just so that I can tell them about it when they are older. And just when I think that it can't get much funnier, another mouth opens! These are just a few of the things my kids have said that had me in tears laughing!
1. "1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Amen!" (the "Amen" replaced 8 9 10 when my daughter first learned to count. Either because it sounded similar, or because it's what we say at the 'end'? Not sure, but it cracked me up every time!)
2. 15 year old daughter: "What to say when someone dies is a popular Google search?!" 5 year old son: "I wouldn't say ANYTHING! I'd just RUN!"
3. (5 year old getting an iPod touch for Christmas) "Sweet! It has GPS on it! I'll always know where I am!"
4. "If I had a billion thousand hands, I could win a snowball fight... but it would take me a looonng time to put my gloves on!"
5. Goofing around obnoxiously with the kids at the hardware store, one of them says: "Great. We're that weird family that everyone is going to go home and post Facebook statuses about."
6. One son to another: "What flavor of bug juice is that?" Reply: "Apple juicy fart."
7. "If I catch a fish, can I feel what it feels like?" Yes, the first fish you catch, you have to kiss it on the lips. "What if it EATS me?!"
8. "I wash my hands before lunch so my food doesn't get dirty." (Great idea. I've seen how dirty your hands get.)
9. "I can count backwards, see? 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 0!" Awesome!! Did you learn that at daycare? "No? I learned that from the microwave!"
10. "Can I get a pet skunk and name it Wanker?" (a dog maybe?)
11. "That didn't hurt!" (Well let me fix that!)
12. "You don't have any idea what's cool... You're not even IN middle school!" (You're right. Kids that are wearing vampire teeth to school because they've taken the twilight bandwagon too far... THEY are so cool.)
13. (After my son, 3 years old at the time, is recovering from sedation for an EEG) Nurse: "Would you like some jello?" son: "I'd like some BEANS!! I love beans."
14. "How many is 16 plus 16?" 32. "Oh. If 16 plus 16 is 32, I have 5 fingers. On each hand!" (Very good, son... very good.)
15. "Can I get a naked movie?" (Out of the mouth of a 3 year old... of course he meant "SMOOTHIE"... but a 3 year old walking through the store asking for a naked movie is always a good time!)
16. I'm passing out life savers candies. 5 year old: "OHHH I want that green one!! Is it BROCCOLI flavor?" (I'm not sure what caught me off guard the most? The fact that he believed someone would make broccoli flavored candy or the fact that he so desperately wanted that kind?)
17. We kind of took in a stray cat. It must have been sickly, because it died within 2 weeks of us finding her. So, one day my son has his face pressed up against the patio door. What are you looking at son? "Well, not the cat, cuz it's DEAD!"
These are just a few of my favorites. Stay tuned, as I keep writing this stuff down!
Apple Juicy Fart!
DRD
