I love Christmas time. It's my most favoritest time of year. But this one was unlike any other for us. I'll walk you through it.
My tree would typically be put up and decorated on Thanksgiving weekend, decked out with a different color coordinated theme every year. The lights, the ornaments, and even the wrapping paper had to match the color scheme of the year. This year the tree was up ten whole days before Christmas I think? I put lights on it. I hung nine ornaments on it. They were a gift this year. Precious moments ornaments with our names on each one. I considered that good enough. Thankfully the kids did too.
My husband and I set our alarms for four o'clock in the morning so we could open gifts before I went to work, and before my husband left to pick up the pager because he does HVAC work and was on call Christmas day. It didn't take the kids long to get over being dragged out of bed that morning. Within an hour, we were swimming in torn wrapping paper and boxes. The kids loved their gifts. My husband and I exchanged gifts. By the way, my husband is amazing. I mean, I got a pistol and a puppy. It doesn't get better than that.
I got ready and went to work. People still need nurses on Christmas day. I was a little sad about having to work, but by an hour into my shift, I was enjoying it. How could I complain about having to work when the people that I was taking care of were lying in a hospital bed? My husband spent the day working to ensure that people were warm on Christmas.
We both got home at about the same time, and for just a little while, all eight of us were in the same place at the same time. I couldn't help but be a little sad. Where there were eight, there should have been nine.
We had one stocking that didn't get hung this year. My six year old asked me a few weeks ago if we could throw Christmas presents in the air to give them to Khighla in Heaven. I responded that the best gift we could throw to her were kisses. It made me think of all the empty stockings in Connecticut this Christmas too. All of the Christmas gifts that I imagine were already wrapped and under the tree that will never be opened. Life is so precious. One of the little boys that was shot in his first grade classroom had the same name as my first grade son. It broke my heart. So many people say that they can't imagine what those parents must be going through. But we can. There is no gift on this Earth that I could give my husband to fill the hole of losing his daughter. At work, I had patients ask me if I have kids. I get weird when people ask me the simple question: how many kids do we have. I used to just say seven. Now, I don't know what I'm supposed to say? Do I say we had seven and we lost one? Or do I really want to answer the questions that will follow that? It wouldn't feel right saying we have six, because that's like erasing her. These were things I didn't really want running through my mind. I was sad on Christmas. It didn't seem right.
So, I put on my happy face and we headed out to my dad's house. Seeing my sister would certainly help. She lives ten hours away and I miss her every day. I miss my nephews, and my kids miss their cousins. I know how they feel. When I grew up, my best friends were my cousins and they moved away. It sucked. But now they were together and that's what mattered. The wrapping paper was flying again and the kids were shrieking with excitement.
Then we get a call that my grandmother had been taken by ambulance to the hospital. All of a sudden, I remembered why exactly nurses don't get the day off. The visit with my family was short, and my sister and I headed to the hospital. She was dehydrated and has a respiratory infection, and a stomach bug. After a few hours, she was released and we took her home. She was ready to get some rest. After three trips to the pharmacy because of someone's incompetence, it was eleven o'clock and I was ready to go home. I got up at four, remember?
My husband and I opened the package my mom sent us. She gave us the most thoughtful gift I could imagine. I have a collection of crosses on my wall. And now I have a new favorite. This one is beautiful AND special. It has wings on it, and she painted Khighla's name on the heart in the middle of it.
At the end of the day, I got to spend time with family. I got to give life saving medications. I got to see the joy in the eyes of my children. And I got to fall asleep in the arms of the man I love. Maybe it DOES get better than a pistol and a puppy.
That was my Christmas day. It was a fabulous day with some not-so-fabulous moments.
Merry Christmas...
DRD
