Good Grief vs. Bad Grief?

Grief.  For some it hits hard and sudden like a ton of bricks.  For some it hits dull and slow like lying down and having bricks laid on top of you.  One at a time.  Until you're suffocating.

One thing I have learned is that it's different for everyone.  And nobody does it wrong.  Some pick up the pieces and strive for normalcy.  Maybe they save the tears for private.  Maybe they don't have any left to cry.  Maybe they have public break downs.  There is no right way.  And there is no wrong way.

There's a never ending memory that you cannot ever re-live.  There are questions.  There are futures that will never meet reality.  There is an ache.  An empty spot.

There is a physical pain that comes with grief.  Sometimes it feels like hunger.  Sometimes it feels like you're being turned inside out.  Sometimes it literally feels like your heart is being drained of all the blood that keeps you alive.  Sometimes it feels like the air you breathe is being sucked out of you.

The definition of 'missing someone' becomes more clear.  The feeling of missing a person you haven't seen in six months is better than the feeling of missing someone you know you'll never see again.

Never judge the way a person handles their grief, for it is their own.

You grieve your way. I'll grieve mine...

DRD

Daddy issues...

In the spirit of "Father's Day"... I want to give some recognition.  Not to the fathers... but to the daddys.  Whether you have biological children, adopted children, or  step children.  If you're a daddy, this is for you.  If you're "just" a father... shame on you.  If there's anything you can't make up for, it's lost time with a child.  The precious years of childhood are too big a blessing for a daddy to give up.

There is no making up for some mistakes.  If you are not or were not a significant part of your child's upbringing, there is no making up for it. That time is lost. It takes more than money to raise a child.  It takes love and patience and guidance.

Sometimes, it's too late to change your mind. Sometimes a father leaves and a daddy steps in. The bridge is burned. Can it be repaired? Sometimes. But it's always just a repaired bridge with holes where memories should be, that a child will be scared to trust.

Being a child's biological father does not make one a daddy.  Anyone with a functioning penis can do that.  Paying child support does not make one a daddy.  Anyone with a minimum wage job can have their check garnished.  Being married to a child's mother does not make one a daddy.  Living in the same house with a child does not make one a daddy.

Being a daddy requires love.  Not when it's convenient.  But unconditional love.  

A daddy is not the man who "learns" to love a child... but the one who loves a child naturally without explanation, because there is none.

A daddy is not the man who is court ordered to pay child support yet refuses because they have different priorities... but the one who would spend their last penny to provide for a child or make a child smile... Even if it meant skipping their own meal.

A daddy is not the man who got a woman pregnant... but the one who teaches a child the important lessons in life.

A daddy is the one who is not too busy to teach a child to ride a bike.  The one who worries about a child 24/7.  The one who groans when a child needs gas money but forks it over anyways.  It's the one who comes to mind when you remember your childhood.

Who's YOUR daddy?

DRD

Homework...

Sucks. For parents too. Seriously.

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and risk ticking some people off...  But that's what I do!  I heard a news program the other day that really had me irritated. The more I thought about it, the more irritated I became.

It was said that parents are "bad parents" for encouraging all these sports and extra curricular activities. The host went on to say that there should be MORE homework and focus on education and less of the nonsense. What?!  Nonsense?!  Listen here mister... I think your program is NONSENSE!!

My kids spend 8 hours and 20 minutes every day en route to / from, and at school. My 6 year old spends as much time at school each day as I spend at work. I know at the end of my work day I'm ready to go home! And do SOMETHING ELSE!! Anything else! That's a long day for me. But that's an ETERNITY to a first grader!

But wait... I'm a "bad parent" because their homework isn't always my top priority? Because I encourage them to play sports? Or to come home and just go play outside?

After working an 8 hour day, do you want to go home and work on it some more? Doubtful!

Of those 8 hours and 20 minutes they spend away from the house, 7 solid hours is actually school day. And it's not like it was when I was in grade school. There isn't 3 recesses anymore. There's one! Wanna know why so many kids are diagnosed as ADHD? It's because all they do is school work. They are told to focus focus focus... Without enough of a break to be a kid! 

Also, the kids usually need help with their homework. I don't mind this in general but its getting out of hand. We have several children. We spend a LOT of time on homework. They are supposed to all have time to do a ton of homework, shower or bathe, eat dinner and still get a decent night's sleep. Where is the time for play? For family fun?

I am a firm believer in education. But I am also a firm believer in sports and extra curricular activities!  There are things you learn from sports that cannot be taught in a classroom.  At the end of the day, I do make sure that homework is done... usually.  I know they have to learn responsibility, and like I said, I am a firm believer in education.  But nobody will ever make me believe that encouraging my children to be active in things outside of academics is bad parenting.

I am not, in any way, attacking teachers.  I believe the teachers are following a curriculum and requirements given to them.  I adore my kids' teachers. They do it for the love of teaching. They aren't paid enough and they aren't respected enough. But that's a different matter.

So as for me and my family... We are still going to make time for all that "nonsense". Football in the fall. Soccer in the spring. Baseball and Softball in the summer. Drum lessons, guitar lessons, piano lessons. Watching college basketball in the winter. Spending the occasional weekend at grandma and grandpa's house.  As for the homework??

The dog ate it...
DRD