Some of the coolest things I have learned from raising boys:
1. Males can aim a foreign object WAY better than they can aim a part of their own body.
(I live in the country, and it's easier to let them go outside to pee. The boys have their own bathroom, because no girl in her right mind would want to share with them.)
2. That smell is probably coming from their room... and it's not gonna be pretty.
(It might be food that they were hiding; it might be urine soaking into the mattress because they were too embarrassed to tell you they peed the bed... either way, it stinks!)
3. It's easier to learn how to ride a motorcycle than a bicycle.
(And training wheels can be used on dirt bikes too!)
4. Nothing is quite as amusing as a really loud fart.
(No matter how much I disagree... there is one thing all of the males in my house have in common. The funniest joke, isn't spoken from the mouth.)
5. Fighting ninjas is a daily battle. One that you must never give up.
(What? You can't see them? Well, that's because my son is doing a dang good job keeping them away. The sound effects are cool too.)
6. Fear is a way of life when you have boys. They are dangerous. Mom's are terrified.
(They like to jump off of tall things. They like to wrestle. They like to go fast. I really believe boys are not capable of sensing danger.)
7. Five years old is not too young to start planning for that first car.
(Or truck, or jeep. Chances are they have already envisioned it by this age, and boys don't change their minds like girls do.)
8. Shorts and cowboy boots and goggles are a pretty cool fashion statement.
(And saying they look ridiculous makes them feel like you're ashamed of them. Who cares if the old lady at the bank looks at you like you're insane? Your son knows you're proud of who he is. Isn't that more important anyways?)
9. Little league sports are WAY more exciting than college or pro sports.
(Nothing feels more amazing than running along the sidelines as your son runs his first touch down, or standing behind home plate to hear the ball hit his bat, even if he is so excited that he forgets to run!)
10. It's okay to get dirty once in a while.
(Jump in rain puddles, make mud pies, make snow angels... These memories will be well worth the load of laundry. Sometimes, it's even worth having to throw that outfit away entirely. It's still worth it.)
11. Cesarean section scars are no longer ugly. They are battle wounds to be proud of.
(Besides, it gives you proof of where babies come from.)
12. They are, in fact, STILL hungry.
(Boys wake up hungry, go to bed hungry, and eat every chance they get in between. This won't change, so it's better to just get used to it... and make sure to feed them a variety of stuff early on so they aren't picky eaters. My five year old son orders a sandwich with bell peppers, onions, banana peppers, and tomatoes on it; I know he's going to be okay.)
13. It doesn't have to be broken for fixing it to make perfect sense.
(They take things apart. Just to see how it works, and to see if they can put it back together. Maybe even better than before.)
14. Bubble bath has more than one purpose.
(Like pouring out all over the bathroom floor, and slipping and sliding around on all fours. I must admit, when I caught my son doing this, at maybe 18 months old, a little part of me wished our bathroom was bigger. Then again, I could buy it in bulk and we could try it in the kitchen?)
15. Dandelions in a mason jar are far more beautiful than the most expensive floral arrangement from the local flower shop.
(Or roses from the neighbor's yard.)
16. If you ask a boy what's wrong and he replies "nothing", he's telling you the truth.
(Leave him alone. He's starting to wonder what's wrong with YOU.)
17. No two are alike.
(I have one that I can't convince to slow down, and one that's never been in a hurry a single day in his life.)
18. Boys are hard wired to keep score... and that's okay by me.
(Competition is in their DNA. I believe in striving to win... it's what makes them try. In a world where everyone's a winner, for fear of feelings getting hurt, I still want my kids to have motivation and be proud of their accomplishments.)
19. No matter how sheltered you keep them, what movies you don't let them watch, video games you don't let them play, they WILL find a way to turn any toy into a weapon.
(Anything.)
20. There very well may be monsters under the bed.
(Name the monster. Invite him to dinner. Monsters don't have to be scary.)
21. It's easier to forget the pain of childbirth, than to forget the pain of stepping on a lego with bare feet.
(Even if you put them up yourself... six months ago... there is still one out there. And somehow, it's in the middle of the floor, where being bright red and all, it should have been obvious.)
22. Boys are drawn to a sharpie like flies on poop.
(Nothing is off limits... walls, carpets, wood floors, your sofa... if you own a sharpie, they will find it.)
23. Once they pass age 6, their clothes are no longer suitable for passing down.
(Don't even bother. Everything has holes in it and stains galore. They don't have to have the most expensive name brand clothing... a lesson that took me a long time to learn. It's the most expensive item that will get barfed on, or covered in mud.)
24. Scars are cool.
(One of my boys once took a spill on the concrete, skinned his entire face up... really, his skin looked like beef jerky. His only concern?? Does it look cool, and will it still be there tomorrow so he can show people at school. True story.)
25. They are tall enough to get it out, but too short to put it away.
(Those games I stash on the top shelf of their closets, or the cereal that I want them to have to ask for help with before getting it down to avoid messes... they will figure out a way to get them down. But then they shrink just a little bit.)
I am sure that by the time I hit 'publish' that I will learn something else. Boys are different... unique. I love being the mother of three sons, and I am more proud of them than they will ever know. I have thoroughly enjoyed the joys of boys so far, and look forward to the continuous battle between good and evil that is raising sons.
Uh-oh, something smells funny... gotta run...
DRD
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